


in the tides of melancholy

by curiosity



Series: leokasa week 2020 [2]
Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Dissociation, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Nightmares, Sleepy Cuddles, Suicidal Ideation, call it road to healing by tsukinaga leo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23781883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curiosity/pseuds/curiosity
Summary: Perhaps he was destined to remain isolated from that lively world he longed to return to, for the rest of eternity.(day 3 of leokasa week 2020, prompt: love & healing + sleep)
Relationships: Suou Tsukasa/Tsukinaga Leo
Series: leokasa week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1710718
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33
Collections: Leokasa Week





	in the tides of melancholy

**Author's Note:**

> *keeps posting fanfiction at past 5am* parkour
> 
> couldn't write for day 2 since... lack of time... so I went straight to day 3. this was originally something I wrote back in 2016 and had no plans on going back to, but since it sorta fit this day's prompt, I caved it back from the dead and rewrote it. love and healing stand for tsukasa's presence always reaching out to leo, and sleep stands for leo's terrible nightmares. 
> 
> the tags do have the warning, but heads up in case you're sensitive to mentions of suicidal thoughts. it gets slightly heavy.
> 
> as always, hope you enjoy it! and feel free to hmu on twitter!

The only melody which reached his ears was the cries of violent waves crashing.

Wherever he was currently, he could not understand. With no recollection of how he arrived to that place, he paused for a moment to investigate his surroundings. It was visible he was standing by a cliff, perhaps, the rough texture of gravel beneath his bare feet confirming that as the truth. A thick fog covered the horizon around his area, and the crescendo being played by the sea’s symphony became stronger each passing second. Those were the only indications he could perceive to guide himself.

Truth be told, he wasn’t particularly interested in knowing where he was.

Perhaps he had gotten disoriented for the umpteemth time and lost his way. Wouldn’t be the first time, after all. Oh, he wondered, did he have another outburst of inspiration and shut everyone away to dive deep into his own melancholy? Had he forsaken everyone, once more, for the sake of his divine muses, gifts from God himself - or had everyone forsaken him instead? Was no one in this incredibly vast universe capable of keeping up with him and his genius mind? Of walking at the same pace as him? Or had he run far, far into a distance so rapidly, locking every door which would reach him in the process?

When had been the last time he was able to look upon something other than an unbearably clouded fog? Would he be able to see bright, vivid colours, again, someday?

Perhaps he would find the way back home.

Perhaps someone would appear out of thin air to come and rescue him? Perhaps, if he wished strongly enough, he would find the way back home. Could he afford to even desire something so blissful?

Perhaps no one would ever come for him. 

Perhaps he was destined to remain isolated from that lively world he longed to return to, for the rest of eternity.

A long time ago, such things concerned him - now, however? He was far too exhausted for it.

His feet began moving forward, lacking his own awareness. The surface he walked on started to slightly scratch off his soles, though there was no reaction whatsoever coming from him, despite the possible pain. His orange-coloured hair was freed from its typical messy side ponytail, flowing with the breeze which dominated the area. He did not realise when that happened, he was already without it before he came to his consciousness (if it could even be told he was the slightest conscious right now). Ah, maybe he needed a haircut now that he thought of it, or was it just his perception of reality fading away faster than he imagined, and his hair was slowly overtaking his back?

His feet did not stop moving forward. The cruel laments of the ocean were getting closer, and the layers of mist surrounding him kept becoming more dense.

How many people had he managed to disappoint? The memories flashing through his eyes were all but a quick blur - he figured they would be the faces of some people - but, who? Who were they? How were they doing? Did they know him - did they recall him in the same way he did? The blur abruptly disappeared - there was no shape nor colour for him to be capable of perceiving.

Had he finally come to the end of his abyss? Or was he about to continue falling? How many people expected him to arrive to this point? The howls from those who had tainted him in former times only now left in history - when would they cease to exist in the depths of his mind? 

Stopping on his tracks, he came to pause right at the end of the cliff. His knees lost the remaining strength in them, after crossing through miles of concentrated rock. What could have been only a few perhaps only a few minutes, seemed like decades of anguish.

This was brought upon him by no one other than himself, right? 

After all, it was all but his fault. His fault, _his_ fault.

Thinking about it, everyone was better off without his miserable excuse of a presence. 

_(it’s my fault. it’s my fault. is it my fault? is it? my fault?_

_no it’s not my fault. no no it’s not my fault not my fault no no they are to blame for everything they ruined me they broke me. i did nothing wrong i gave everyone my everything i was always doing my best. just wanted those happy days back just wanted to see happy smiles just wanted to be normal_

_ididnothingwrong. ididnothingwrongididnothingididnothingididnothingidid_

_i d i d n)_

Ah.

When did the tide pull him in? 

The wretched cries from the waves were now simply a tranquil lullaby, making him drift into a comfortable, deep sleep. He realised there was no point in retaliation, nothing else he could do - so, he accepted his fate. Would his tale arrive to its grand finale like this? Forgotten to the universe he so adored, only to spend everlastingness in the hollow azure void? That was what he believed. 

However, he soon came to be proven wrong. 

Suddenly - there was a beam of light. It was faint, and he could only slightly keep his eyes open, as the water had consumed a great part of him already. It was out of reach, that small, fleeting ray of hope, and he knew - he knew it was pointless to cave in for the remaining strength in his body to raise his hand. Nevertheless, that was what he did, and his hand came as close as it could to said light.

He closed his eyes, seemingly appearing to run out of spirit to hold on for a bit longer...

...and Leo’s entire body bolted up from his bed, panicking from his nightmare.

“Leo-san...” 

He turned around to meet a sleepy looking boy with messy scarlet locks covering his forehead, his expression being extremely straightforward on how concerned he was at the given present.

“Leo-san,” Tsukasa called out to him by his name in that calming tone of voice of his, and - _ah_ , Leo immediately returned to reality. “Are you…”

“Oh… I’m… I’m okay,” Leo interrupted, clearly working his best to cover the fact that his body was shaking and his breathing was frantic. “It was just a bad dream... Sorry to have woken you up, Suo.”

In that instant, Tsukasa brought Leo closer to him, and gently pulled him into a tight, warm embrace. What had been a frigid grasp by the profound ocean, dragging him into the deepest chasm was now replaced by what could only be named after the warmth of the sun itself. Leo took a few moments to recompose himself, quite shaken from the illusions he had seen unfold before his eyes. Once he fully calmed down, Tsukasa locked their eyes together, demonstrating full concern and utmost care towards the one he loved.

“I’m here... You’re not alone. I won’t ever let you be alone, again.”

Tsukinaga Leo was - or, at the very least, tried to be - aware of a few things. 

The first was that dreaming of the past was tiresome, both physically and mentally. Unfortunately, it happened far often than he wished for it to. The second was that, at some point, he would have to learn how to accept that some memories were going to keep haunting him, for who knows how long down the road. And, the third, the most important one - was that he stopped being in complete darkness a long time ago, having found a light of his own to hold onto when necessary. Suou Tsukasa’s hand would always be within his reach, whenever he fell back into the abyss of his mind.

After a long embrace from Tsukasa, Leo curled around in the bed, his back facing Tsukasa’s chest. The latter’s arms were tightly holding onto him, reassuring that, no matter what, he was there to remain by his side.

Shortly after, Leo drifted into sleep, once more - except, this time, his knight was there to protect him from his own demons.


End file.
